Blue Like Jazz

The thing I loved about Nadine was that I never felt like she was selling anything. She would talk about God as if she knew Him, and as if she had talked to Him on the phone that day. She was never ashamed, which is the thing with some Christians I had encountered. They felt like they had to sell God as if He were a soap or a vacuume cleaner, and it's like they weren't really listening to me, they didn't care, they just wanted me to buy their product.

Your Script

Everyone has his own script to write. His own story. What does yours say? The funny thing is that I was realizing the other day, that mine is mostly good, which is good...I guess. Dosen't really fit with the "no pain, no gain" idea. It seems as if someone has had someone dear to them die, parents divorce, abuse, alcohol, or some form of other crisis. I can't really think of anything of that sort that has happend in my life. Sure my great grandma died, but she was 87...to be expected, sort of. At age 9 I had scoliosis. No pain, though. None. Ever. God has given me a gift of a VERY high pain tolerance. I've always thought however, that if one doesn't know pain, then you can never fully understand true happiness. Likewise with any emotion, and its opposite. Most everyone I know, has, at some point battled depression, anxiety, anorexia, etc. I have not. My father died at age 25, when I was not yet 2. But I didn't know him. I can't remember a blasted thing about him. They all say that I look like him, but when I refer to my dad, I mean the man that my mom married sometime later, who adopted me. I have a wonderful bro and sis who are the best and I never really had too much sibling rivalry going on. My parents have always loved each other and have set a great example for me.

So, if I turn out to be a loser, it's obviously nothing in my past. Everything about it was amazing...

Materalism

Sometimes I wonder if I'm too much of a materalist. In my entire church (of about 80) my family is the "wealthiest", so to speak. It's not that we live in Beverly Hills in a 8000 sq ft estate. However, my dad is a relitivly successful businessman and entrepeneur. And yes, we have several Mercedes, rental property, a personal watercraft, and a rather expensive dog. I am at times ashamed to talk about it, for fear that my friends would think "that's not good enough for the Schwagers" So, maybe we, as Schwagers, are too focused on quality and not...contentment. What is it all really? I mean, yeah if one is able to attain the luxuries of an item of better quality...by all means, go for it. However, Jesus, don't let my zeal for you decrease while my love for cars increases. Obviously there are fundamental elements to sustain life, but remember to maintain focus on Christ. How do we fish out the necessary from the pleasurable?

Men, drugs, sex, parties, chocolate, movies, music, coffee, absinthe, clothes, vacation, books, money, pets, games...

...What is it all, really?...

I JUST WANT A SNACK

I JUST WANT A SNACK. I don't need a triple chocolate meltdown, caramel and hazelnut bits, explode in my mounth, blast me away, toffee butter bar. I JUST WANT A SNACK.